One of the most challenging things I think, as a parent, is to have deep, meaningful discussions with your kids...and to feel like they are really getting what you are saying...and then they walk away, and act in ways that are completely contrary to the discussion you just had. We've been having a lot of conversations about Grace...extending it AND receiving it.
I mean, our kids have had their challenges in life. Really, most of us have, right? But with our kids, they've each gone through some times that are just HARD...as parents they're hard to navigate, and from our kids perspective, they're hard to live through. There are moments it has felt like none of us would ever survive, or that we just wanted nothing but NOT to ever be around each other again...moments when as parents, it would be tempting to shout "WILL YOU JUST GROW UP ALREADY?!?!?!!"
With my two oldest stepchildren, most days, it feels like a lot of the drama and ridiculousness has passed. I mean, we have days, right? Days where they have no interest in doing what was asked of them, and where they have zero interest in school or their future or anything other than the xbox/facebook/texting friends/people of the opposite gender. But for the most part, the challenges we've faced in the past seem to be staying in the past.
This is not true of the one child yet to make the leap into the teens. We've had a lot of struggling with him, and have tried ALL THE THINGS...from meds to homeschool to good old fashioned prayer...and mostly, with him, it seems the direction is just to not lose heart, to keep trying, and eventually we will all make it through. As an adult, I understand that. My husband understands that. But our other children? Well, their brother doing the very things they used to do (that drove us insane then) drive them completely batty. And arguably, most days, they're fairly justified in wanting to string him up by his pinky toes. Thus the conversation on Grace...and on trying to understand where someone is coming from.
I had a moment earlier tonight, where my oldest stepdaughter was talking about some of her friends, and mentioned something offhand that just kind of took the wind out of my sails. It was something that shouldn't have surprised me, really - because they're all teenagers, and some have parents that allow more than others, and...well...they're typical teens. But it just set me back for a moment, and it was one of those "Oh. OH! Ohhhhh." moments where my brain just kind of puts the pieces in place, and suddenly, a picture that looked one way initially completely flips upside down.
So we talked about Grace...and understanding that sometimes people behave in ways we don't like, or do things we don't like...but if we look at what else is going on in that person's life, that led up to why they are the way they are, or why they do what they do, it helps us to extend grace to them. It doesn't make it OK that they behave in unacceptable ways...but it does help us to love them anyway - as God wants us to. That love is just so hard sometimes to keep showing when someone is on your last nerve! Particularly when it's someone this world says you have no obligation to love anyway.
Of course, given MY eureka moment, it made me hopeful that maybe stepdaughter will get something from it too. I mean, we're all a work in progress, right? God's work (THANKFULLY) grows and changes each of us with every realization...every painful situation we go through.
In reality, she's still 16. On the verge of 17. She is still ruled by emotions and hormones rather than reason and logic...or even FAITH. But maybe some of it sunk in today. Maybe she'll show somebody some understanding and grace tonight that she hasn't before. Maybe when her brother comes back on Sunday she won't be so ready to throttle him for breathing her air.
Then again, they're still siblings, so that might be an unrealistic expectation!!
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