My Biggest Enemy

Is me.

If I have learned anything in the last week of daily workouts (5 am!  We get up at 4am!  TO WORK OUT.  With sweat and stuff!!!!!!) it is that the single biggest enemy I face on any given moment is me.  Well...Satan, and me.  Because Satan?  He's been REALLY working on me to break me down and tell me I can't do this.

I'm not going to lie.  Sometimes I believe him.

I am not going to say it's been pretty.  We have one more workout this week, and then Sunday?  Blessed rest.  Tomorrow is our diet 'cheat' day, so I can have anything I want.  Currently my plan is for popcorn.  Maybe nachos.  But I am not going to indulge in steak and potatoes.  We're kind of cutting out the red meat for the next 10 weeks (something that worked really well for Zack the last time, and so we're going back to it.)  Even though I am technically ALLOWED whatever I want on cheat day, I don't want to sabotage any progress I am making!

Back to the workouts though.

The first day...I maybe did 25% of it right.  And I left there - totally depleted and just all around bummed about the experience.  I can't say I held anything in reserve - which is all they ask - work it OUT.  But I couldn't do the choreography, and some of the stretches and movements DO NOT work with my body right now.

This week has been a gradual progression of me coming to terms with that.  There are many moments during our workouts where I start praying, and just ask God to get me through whatever we're doing - or to make the time go faster so I can be done!  But this morning I just had to stop for a moment and think about it.

I did a mile on Saturday.  I haven't done a mile in I don't know how long.  I walked most of it, but I did it.
I did three super-intense cardio kickboxing workouts this week.  And yeah, I didn't do every move or rep, but I DID them.  To be honest, I always want to quit in the warm-up.  When I can do a warm-up without feeling like I may keel over, I will know I am good.
I did two super-intense strength training workouts, and will have another one tomorrow.  On those, I was able to do almost all the reps.  Granted, I did it with the easiest bands, but EVERYONE who is starting out uses those.  I will move up.

I did more in the last week in relation to physical exercise than I have done in over 10 years.   Maybe more like 15.  It was intense, and I spent a good portion of each session humiliated that my body just doesn't move in certain ways.  But God has gotten me through each one.

This morning, as we got up for our workout, Z's phone rang.  It was work, and he had to go in to the office, which meant no workout for him.  And me going alone and not having a partner - something you HAVE to have on cardio days (or you work out with somebody you don't know, and that's awkward.)  I was so sad leaving the house.  I wanted him with me.  I didn't want to do it alone.

As I drove down the street, I flipped on the radio.  I always keep it on Christian music anymore, or plug in my Pandora to various Christian artists.  And as I turned the radio on....some some I've never heard before - and the line is "You are not alone."

Bwahahahaha...yeah, I wanna cry right now thinking about that.  My God cares about something so silly as me not wanting to be alone at my workout.  He goes before me.  He lifts me up when holy cow - I want to die right there on the mat.

And I got through the workout.  I partnered with one of my coaches, Jenni - who is super encouraging and found alternate things for me to do when I couldn't do what was asked.

I made it through!

Tomorrow is arm day, though...and that's gonna suck. :-)  BUT - C-baby already told me I 'have big muscles in my arms' - so we've got to get rid of some of the flab and show them off!  Also awesome - she wants to do her own 'exercise' now too.  LOVE that kiddo.

Anyway - so I just have to get out of my head.  I have to be ok with doing whatever I can do, as long as I put all my effort into it and leave all of it on the mat!

I have looked at Ferrell's for a couple of years and thought 'I could never do that.  I am too big.  People like me don't succeed there."

Well, we shall just see about that now, huh?